I’ve sheltered myself so much and over thought things so much that I have literally made minimal mistakes in my life. I mean, don’t feel sorry for me or anything. It’s kind of cool…I guess. How many people do you meet like me? It is kind of sad in a weird way though. My biggest two were: Not finishing highschool and being a bully.
I used to fight males. I remember punching one in the face because he slapped my glasses off MY face. I blacked out. I beat up his brother the next day too. I severely verbally abused people for a long time in my childhood and early teens. I eventually came to realize that I really fucking loathed myself for a long time. Leaving school relates to that. I was a terrible person…and after a while I started to realize it. I looked at myself one day and just didn’t like what I saw. It led me to my decision to leave school to work on me. Work on my issues that I had inside. Clean up the mess in there and be better. That’s what I did. I’m still struggling with my anger and depression/stress…but it’s gotten significantly better. I’m a really nice person now and you won’t catch me talking badly about someone else too damn often. I’ve changed from my 14 year old self. It’s a long time coming though. It took years and years to get where I am now. I did it without professional help too. Man, was it a struggle. But that’s the past, I learned from it and improved because of it.
I’m still pretty crazy though, inside. I’m irrational and I don’t trust anyone. I’m always questioning motives. Always.
I’m a work in progress still! I think maybe I’m fucking crazy…I always wondered.
I also sought forgiveness from the people I ripped apart in my crusade of hate…I’ve been forgiven. That is amazing, I wouldn’t have expected anyone to forgive me, but they did. That helped me a lot on my journey to wellness. :)
